The worst predator that we have is our thoughts. Re-thinking the story of our loss, the regrets of things we should have done or not done to stop the death of our loved one has terrible effects on the body.
Thoughts are transient. When you engage in some of the emotions listed earlier, a hormone called Cortisol is released into the blood. High cortisol in the blood is like adding fire to the blood, it begins to reduce the body mass, bone density, it increases skin wrinkling, slows down digestion and increases the calcium content in the brain. All these in turn affect memory and the learning part of the brain. Every emotion (sadness, anger, regrets, guilt, shame, sorrow, etc.) has its own frequency. The combination of these will create complex vibration in the body that could be too much for the body to absorb.
The excess heat energy is manifested in our behavior and outward appearance. And the reason a grieving person loses weight or gain weight, behaves irrationally and ages fast within a short period of time.
Grief has a process that must be allowed to transit to healing. Extended period of grief could be fatal. For those who conceal the excess heat energy, bury it or ignore it, they are interrupting the grief process. This may manifest many years down the road. It can manifest into physical body pains, mental illness, behavioral issues and character flaws.
To avoid these, please be intentional and be proactive in taking good care of yourself. Settle it in your mind that your loved one is not coming back, that will help to pitch your mind towards the route of healing early. It doesn't mean the thoughts or pains will go away, but it gets better by the day.
I never knew I could go for 24 hours without the pains. Start the therapeutic steps on time. Take a vacation, spend time with people who loves you genuinely, enjoy nature, engage in activities that you love, practice deep breathing and relaxing body care like massage, listen to soul lifting music.
All these help to kick in the happy hormones, DHA and reduces the effect of Cortisol in the blood, then the aging, pains, sorrow, and all those emotions start to subside. It takes a lot more efforts and resources to re-build a totally broken body.
That is the secret power in positive thinking. Most people are too concerned to take the steps that will aid their healing, because of what people will say. 'People' that do not know how you feel, nor care about you?
I used to be part of a 'prayer' group in my community; during the meetings, side comments were made outside prayer points directly or indirectly to make a widow uncomfortable being the only one there. One day, a family in the group had a naming ceremony, and all the women were secretly invited, except me, I didn't know until I showed up for the prayer meeting and found out that only men came. I asked why the women were late for the meeting, and one of the men told me that they were attending the naming ceremony of that couple. I felt like an outcast in the group, so I had to be exempted from the invitation because i am a widow.
On another occasion, I approached a 'sister' (that happened to be one of the leaders in the group) to agree with me in prayers, as I was going through a bunch of issues with my in-laws, my family, etc. She told me out right and unapologetically that "I did not come to this country to pray with anyone, my assignment is to do something else"; all I asked for was prayer support. Remember, this is a prayer group that supports the church.
Halleluyah!!!
I didn't need anyone to tell me that I was not welcomed there. I saw it as a spiritually toxic group for me to belong.
Do not hold grudges or unforgiveness towards anyone. If anyone has offended you, no matter the depth of the hurt, forgive them, but don't put yourself in a position to be oppressed and subdued because you have lost someone.
The Word of God helps a lot, if you can't read the Bible, listen often. Engage and listen to praise and worship songs more, these command His presence, which is soothing and calming to your soul. Happy hormones will be triggered, to keep you in a positive mindset.
Don't keep to yourself. Contact me directly anytime you need any form of support. I don't know it all, I don't have all the answers, but we can do a lot together. Strict and total confidentiality is guaranteed. This platform is God inspired to help us all.
2 Corinthians 1:4
who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
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